We’ve all had those days, weeks and months in bed. Under the duvet during a break or after a breakup. I have considered this closely lately; I’ve really been feeling the hopelessness of not being able to help a friend. I had a quite black period a little while back as well, and I want to understand it.
To understand it, if that even is possible, it’s important to see why everything seems so dark. After being there, you take some time to reflect on it. I certainly have. There is something about the insecurity. When being somewhere where the answer to all questions is I don’t know, you are clearly doubtful of everything. Maybe it is lack of confidence that you can do better; what if this is as good as it gets? It’s the same as with a culture shock where you leave something behind to experience something new, only this is even stronger.
Self portrait – Emptiness
So what makes it so much stronger and so much harder? I don’t think you have to put a person behind you during a breakup, but rather a state of mind. In a relationship you open up to someone, and in the process of doing that you learn new things about yourself. These things change you, they make you who you are now. During any relationship you have had someone to grow with; someone to teach you who you are. When that stops, you are alone with your new self. Of course that is scary.
It hurts like hell, but you walk away having learnt so much about yourself. When I was going through what my friend is experiencing now, I was a total mess. But it made me who I am today, so now I’m really grateful I got the experience. I don’t know who I would be if it hadn’t happened. And I don’t want to know.
I think you can find happiness in all of that awfulness, and all of those who haven’t experienced it have missed out on something great.